I don't want to live anymore....?

I will be frank in this post, so please don't get offended. I have previously thought about ending my life many times, but I was always afraid to proceed. Our world is very intriguing and hard at the same time, but we all perceive it from different outlooks, for our brains have different connections that contain our unique memories and personalities. I have went from being a boy of a poor family in Pakistan to being a 16 years old teen attending an expensive private school--$30k fee per year--in US. I left Pakistan in 4th grade, and I still don't fully accept the experiences that I have gone through, because recalling them makes me confused and nauseous. I tend to make wrong decisions in life because of my inability to cope with hardships. I cannot understand why God made Black people less capable of critical thought--this does not mean that their brains do not excel at other areas--and I still cannot gauge whether I am, as a Pakistani, intellectually competent as White people. I am also among the short kids in my school: my height is 5,7". As I said before, I tend to make wrong decisions, however, I am thinking about making another wrong one. I do not want to live anymore because I feel inept, insecure, and demoralized. I live among strangers--not Muslim or Pakistanis--but this is the best environment for me on earth since my own country people would abuse me for my last penny. I want to feel special and to be enlightened, but so does everyone. Since I can't have the prior, I just want to die painlessly. I want it to be so that I never existed, and if I cannot go to heaven, then please, God, also do not send me to hell. I know I am an amazing machine, and that you have given me a lot. But I am a coward, and I have made myself unfit to survive. So, please God, I do not blame you for creating me. Please just end my thought processes, and let my atoms continue to benefit someone more deserving than me. If I do countless prayers, and attempt to correct some of my mistakes, such as stealing from family, and then overdose myself to death, will God pardon me from hell?--it would be fine if I do not go to heaven along with not going to hell, either.